Tag Archives: emotion
A stranger’s bed
for Sarah
We lay in a stranger’s bed.
Just the two of us, an old
painting hung behind our heads
and listened to the stories, my
awkward hands, limp on the mattress.
I watched the freckles dance on
your face when you laughed. Before bed we
both removed our glasses.
Between sentences we studied the other,
our naked faces learning a new
language. All over again.
On the second night, I was worn
down by work. Your voice trickled
in excitement, turning each page of intimacy.
I tried to stay awake and listen to
your stories. My eyelids rocked open and
shut like an old boat.
I did not make it to the end.
I asked you in the morning about
it. You said I slurred a sentence like
a sailor, and then nothing.
You turned in the current of duvet, and
waited for waves of sleep.
PhilosopherPoet
between the two of us
you are like the wind on a
mountain, your voice is supple.
it weaves through my old furniture
in the house.
my heavy pauses frustrate you.
when I plod from point-to-point
you are already riding rapids
in the rain.
I don’t think it will work out
between the two of us. I sit on
my sofa like a comfortable crab
your hands dance towards the
ceiling, parting curtains
hanging paintings
your fingers stroke the pulse of
sunlight, and my
eyes are buried in a book.
PhilosopherPoet
words for my father
Father Ballam hooking a big one.
My father is a warrior on many levels. He has risen up through the blizzard of a divorce. He soldiered through his own dyslexia and the currents of a busy family to conquer his Masters in Philosophy. (I better have another drink here this is starting to sound like a damn eulogy…and the bugger is still alive!) Allow me to reel this story in, the way one would clasp the steel nub of a coffee grinder’s arm. I can sum up my father in three words…
Fishing. Philosophy. Ideas.
These are the forces that drive him. They propel him onto the cold mud of a riverbank or into the furnace of concepts jostling in an academic paper. I know when he starts his 5 o’clock mornings ( a ritual the family has grown accustomed to), he first rustles around the kitchen like a wise old badger. To make his coffee he doesn’t turn on the kettle. Instead, he puts a pot of water on the stove and waits for it to boil.
Having a pint with the old man.
I remember being an angst-fuelled 23 year old telling him, “But that takes so much longer!”
He looked at me, a warm smile filling his eyes.
“You do not live with a woman and small children.”
His sensitivity, back then, baffled my own immature mantras. His modest income meant the houses he occupied where no mansions. In a nutshell, he would rarely give up his morning routine and at the same time…restrain himself so the family got enough sleep. Allow me to get back to the badger and his early morning.
My father in his element…or The Element perhaps?
Coffee in hand, he trundles to his favourite chair in the lounge. (If you read as much as this intellectual mammoth, you earn the right. Or perhaps, the chair finds you?) He sits down with a big red book of Rumi (a Sufi poet). It’s the perfect blend for him, mysticism and metaphor.
A gentleman always tells the truth. He allowed me to reel this fatty in so I could experience “the rush”. I compromised and said I’d take the photo as his hands were still full of fish!
Over the years poetry and books kept the two of us together. Much like a weekend for him, alone, pours cool consciousness back into his bones. He may not believe in a god, although he will make an effort to crawl back into nature to get in touch with something close to a Divine. Whether it’s internal or buried in the ripples of a rise…well, that remains to be seen.
Having another pint!
I love you Dad. Happy Birthday!
PhilosopherPoet
that afternoon
we sat on the bank
father. son. river. rod.
3 ducks watch us,
they wait for knuckles of bread
we throw out for carp.
“yaa! piss off!” – my father’s arms
writhe in the wind like an angry officer.
i hoist my box of orange juice
i take a swig.
vodka swirls
like a warm hand into my chest.
before our expedition…
i hid in the car, and
my father was the lookout.
the rear door left open,
a suspicious window.
i drained juice from the carton,
my fingers unscrewing caps
a thousand thoughts whirred
in my head as i mixed the booze.
the ducks became bored and left.
my bait starts to swirl in the distance,
a fistful of bread
with a hook in it (half immersed).
“you see that?”
my father starts to twitch, jiggle,
his hands bubble up through the
arms of the camping chair.
rotating bait equals a fish, gently
gnawing, picking, probing
underneath our excitement.
“have another drink Dad!”
“n-n-not now, i have to watch your bait.”
his eyes cut through the afternoon air,
heads of trees watch us,
insects trickle in the distance.
the bait stops.
my father sighs, his shoulders sag
like branches of an old tree,
he has a drink.
it is the last time i will see him,
i crack open a volume of poetry,
ducks chuckle further down the river.
we exchange poems, metaphors, stories
embalmed in the loam of our language.
vodka sways through our sentences,
no more bites.
the moment is perfect.
well, almost. maybe if there was
a bronze body dancing in
my father’s hands?
night draws over us
like a heavy curtain.
our sighs parallel,
our hands collect rods and bags.
two chairs jut out of my arms
like old telescopes.
“you good to go?”
i nod, and we trundle back on
the mud path
where our memories
lie buried.
PhilosopherPoet
days escape [untitled]
days escape
people teardrop onto the street, life throbs
conversation cigarettes from hand to mouth to laugh
mountains circle the town like an old stain
monument and mass watches me like a
steady shadow it clings to my conscience
with words you lost and a girl i remember
barely
between breaths
riding waves of wine and ripples of your smile
our stares coagulate
our souls drunk on their own geometry
your eyes are full of music
a song flows into my bones
you lean into me
i tell you my name
we hug and you bury your breasts
into the tide of my smile
your speech is thick
a young river trying to find itself
the night is old…you are still young
wine weighs on your words
i want you to get home to your bed
but you are still sketched in my head
a warm hand pours into me
your eyes tell me you will be back
words stir
our hands separate
PhilosopherPoet
The PowerBook – Jeanette Winterson (review)
The Powerbook by Jeanette Winterson
My rating: 5 of 5 stars
A modern day collage of memories, love, philosophy, history and the grit that lies underneath all of us.
That’s my attempt to sum up the novel in a single sentence. What’s it about? Well, the chapters are laid out with headings you will see on a Apple computer (e.g, SEARCH, NEW DOCUMENT, EMPTY TRASH). Even the title is “The PowerBook”, which has the same layout as a MacBook does (i.e. an Apple Mac laptop for the layman). The story line flickers between an entity online called Ali (or Alix) who writes stories for other people for a living, and a love triangle in Paris. A guy who falls in love with two different women on separate occasions.
I read this in spurts over 3 days. Most of the chapters are around 3-5 pages. If you’re prepared for a postmodern story line that hops back and forth leaving some questions unanswered, this may be for you. Perhaps I was too caught up in the swirling metaphors and visceral imagery which, in turn, propelled me to keep reading.
The PowerBook may not answer all your questions on love, and the inner cogs of lovers. However, it’s a beautiful and moving read. I reckon you should give it a go.
If you’re in-love with someone else while you’re reading it…even better!
PhilosopherPoet
fences
Inspired by the 2016 film Fences (click here)
* * *
spin the ball with me…hold that leather skull in your hand it’s just baseball
it could be rocket science ingredients leaping from tube to tube with the fear of fire and the desire to turn into something cold and remembered
in baseball folks are running from plate to plate sometimes you miss the ball like it’s a force you can’t see…an idea you can’t free…a divorce in your head maybe
an old man is out building a fence…he buys sturdy wood…he wears a smile and a stare that crawls into your bones
he churns up the naked loam with an old spade…his hands cling to the wooden neck the same way a jaded man fondles a bottle of something strong enough to wash emotions away
“one day I’ll finish this damn thing” he tells himself…earth, sweat and spray rinse dense memories he cannot leave behind unless he presses his lips to the gentle kiss of a gin bottle
old, polished, strong to the taste just like a boy he remembers and the man he forgets
PhilosopherPoet
The World of a Crazed Writer 