Throw a few heterosexual men together; add a few beers and maybe the odd good looking dame. If you’ve done that the topic of sex is bound to come up one way or the other. It could be you friend bragging about how he ‘nailed’ a certain amount of girls. I’ve had a few friends describe to me their sex lives in the most uncomfortable detail (of course I don’t show this reaction, and pretend that IS how men are supposed to talk.) I’m different from your Joe Soap kind of guy. The reason is I don’t believe that a conversation should include wine, women and motor vehicles. At the same token I can’t say that I’m obsessed with each of the former pieces of conversation. I’m not some religious fanatic who thinks these are all evil either.
I’ll take them one by one, alcohol being my first rant. Alcohol is one of those drugs in life that blurs the logic in life. Some people choose to avoid it in its entirety. From one angle, you could say that there’s nothing wrong with an alcoholic because he choosing to ‘inflict’ himself with bouts of drinking (and ultimately blurring the line between his conscious and subconscious mind). Also many people would drink alcohol aren’t alcoholic, such as myself. This is simply because we are aware of the drugs’ negative and possibly abusive effects. For some it’s harder than others, but we learn – with trial and error – to pull in the reins when necessary.
Now what about cars? Well, mostly it’s just a hobby and a sport (predominately) men seem to share. Call me a geek, but this is another category I fail to file myself into. I’ve watched enough Top Gear (the British TV series featuring Jeremy Clarkson, Richard Hammond and James May), to throw a few models and makes into the general conversation. I start to get shaky and nervous when there is a petrol-head in the room that starts to talk technical terms such as horsepower, torque, handling not to mention throw in a paragraph of numbers to show he knows his shit. If you talk to me about cars for longer than 30 minutes, without asking my opinion or even throwing in a joke for sympathy’s sake you’ve lost my respect.
That’s another thing that fascinates me about men. Way back when…we were cavemen killing animals and trying to prove ourselves as capable and better (i.e. stronger and more bloodthirsty) than the rest of the clan. That little quirk in our chromosomes as kept us humans alive, but also shows its teeth if we are not aware with the way we handle it. When it comes down to racing a car, downing beers, or even earning a large salary I don’t mind competing. However, that’s not the end of the road for men. Along with that caveman chromosome to survive is another one…to conquer three things namely: Food (i.e. to provide for your family), Land (i.e. to have a dwelling to nurture and protect your family) and Women. The concept of choosing only one mate for life is relatively new, if you consider the whole of evolution. However…it doesn’t always work as planned. For example men still have affairs, or mistresses they don’t tell their wives about. If none of the former is true, then a man’s desire to conquer women seems to ‘leak’ out in one other category…
I spoke about men having a desire to conquer women. I do not mean that we’re all programmed to abuse and regard women as furniture. What I mean is as a man if you’re not conscious enough to form a relationship, and get to know/respect another woman intimately, it’s more likely your male need-to-breed part of your brain is going to be running the show.
Back to porn… What I’m trying to say is, at the end of the day, if you watch a lot of porn, you’re sitting on your sofa staring at a countless amount of male equipment. Porn (for a heterosexual guy) is not ONLY about seeing vaginas. Your friends might tell you different, because they are just trying to convince themselves. Even though a few lesbians may excite hetero guys, I’ll bet you that at least 80% of their porn collections have butt naked men in them. This is not because they have any gay tendencies. Realistically, if you want to watch a woman come, only another hetero guy can do it in a way that will excite you. Lesbians approach sex differently. So at some point a strap-on will never provide the same feeling and climax as the real deal. If you watch porn frequently…you do this purely to catch glimpses of a small little girl pretending this kind of thing, really excites her. I don’t give a shit about her actual age. Once upon a time when enough psychological forces (i.e. emotional and sometimes physical abuse) propelled her into a barrage of penises…she was still a girl. I also wonder does this girl really enjoy, the hot cum of five different men, painting her face? Does this act truly make her soul (or inner being) come alive?
To be honest I’d rather take this girl (regardless of how intellectually shallow she may be), and go to an art gallery. We’re still enjoying the act of people painting, although the process has cooled by now. No one is guiltily washing away the mess they were wallowing in, or even considering it a mess in the first place. An artist, who paints on a canvas, loves the stains of the oils left in her shirt. Sometimes she’ll turn her hand into a painting, just for one day, to see if it suits her. She is willing to create a mess, embrace the chaos, and swim with the variables. The major difference is she isn’t coerced into being an artist because she feels overwhelmed with life and needs to forget. The painting, careful planning, helping others, and the irreplaceable feeling of accomplishment are her motivating factors for engaging in this past time. Artists are often referred to as being influenced by the Muse. This is simply a mythical creature we say exists, to try and quantify the source of our inspiration.
I feel that watching porn for an extended period of time is just another reason to blur the logic of life. I know I’m getting a little repetitive so let me put it another way to you. It prevents us from staying conscious. My father is a philosopher, and I remember him introducing to me a while ago the theory of consciousness.
Initially when I heard the word I thought he was referring to my physical health. After all, that’s most probably the first place I heard the word while watching an episode of E.R. or Gray’s Anatomy. The philosophical definition of consciousness is a lot more than keeping the blood in your body. What it means (in a nutshell, since this is one huge topic) is to keep yourself ‘aware’ and continue to live despite the pain we face looking beneath the surface of our psychology. You see we’re all human, we all have religion, family, addictions, hobbies, passions and emotions. The biggest challenge we face is to juggle all these factors, and still continue to see the logic of life.
I think of myself as being at a horserace. I’m not a spectator, a jockey, or even a model (wearing something that breaks twenty minutes after the cameras regard you as ‘sexy’). I see myself as the horse, galloping ahead. I can feel the weight of the jockey’s fat arse, his stinging crop; i can smell the acrid dust burning my nostrils. I hear the squeal of last-minute-betters, and yet I continue to churn up the dirt. If you live and embrace a life according to Consciousness, then you’re prepared to plod along. Sometimes a glamorous outcome (like winning a horse race), will put aside the dirty details involved in its accomplishment. Some details we know, some we’re aware of, others will never cross our minds…but that’s ok.
Being conscious doesn’t mean you have to control every facet, and force around you either. Sometimes you may simply have to watch a few lives pulse and peter out into the horizon. If you can see the warm and solid hand of the sun – holding your gaze – you’re damn lucky you had the guts to stand up see it. Maybe one day we’ll be able to stand on the horizon, and learn to understand the struggles of our human condition.