poetry, Rantings, Uncategorized

4 am massacre

a verbose bird
typewriters outside my window
like a bell ringer who downloaded
too much cocaine

my cement legs
refuse to muscle up the courage
to deal with this imbecile

instead my mind
fondles the delicious trigger
of a 12 gauge shotgun
because no pussy pistol
will justify this moment

“but wait…” says the brain
maybe marinade the base of
the tree with gasoline and happiness
the flicker of flame and
stench of smoke
will help him finish his argument
and muffle voices in my head

“let’s go for convenience”
retorts the devil in my dreams
breadcrumbs in a shopping bag
and the cheerful glisten
of a baseball bat
to bring an end to the
symphony this asshole started





I can believe (Neil Gaiman – American Gods)

Dear Bloggers

The following is an extract from American Gods (Neil Gaiman).

It’s one of the best monologues I’ve read…

Neil Gaiman - American Gods

Neil Gaiman – American Gods

I can believe things that are true and I can believe things where nobody knows if they’re true or not. I can believe in Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny and Marilyn Monroe and the Beatles and Elvis and Mister Ed. Listen – I believe that people are perfectible, that knowledge is infinite, that the world is run by secret banking cartels and is visited by aliens on a regular basis, nice ones that look like wrinkledy lemurs and bad ones who mutilate cattle and want our water and our women. I believe that the future sucks and I believe that the future rocks and I believe that one day White Buffalo woman is going to come back and kick everyone’s ass. I believe that all men are just overgrown boys with deep problems communicating and that the decline in good sex in America is coincident with the decline in Drive-In Movie theaters from state to state. I believe that all politicians are unprincipled crooks and I still believe that they are better than the alternative. I believe that California is going to sink into the sea when the big one comes, while Florida is going to dissolve into madness and alligators and toxic waste. I believe that antibacterial soap is destroying our resistance to dirt and disease so that one day we’ll all be wiped out by the common cold like Martians in War of the Worlds. I believe that the greatest poets of the last century were Edith Sitwell and Don Marquis, that jade is dried dragon sperm, and that thousands of years ago in a former life I was a one-armed Siberian Shaman. I believe that Mankind’s destiny lies in the stars. I believe that candy really did taste better when I was a kid, that it’s aerodynamically impossible for a bumblebee to fly, that light is a wave and a particle, that there’s a cat in the box somewhere who’s alive and dead at the same time (although if they don’t ever open the box to feed it it’ll eventually just be two different kinds of dead), and that there are stars in the universe billions of years older than the universe itself. I believe in a personal god who cares about me and worries and oversees everything I do. I believe in an impersonal god who set the universe in motion and went off to hang with her girlfriends and doesn’t even know that I’m alive. I believe in empty godless universe of casual chaos, background noise and sheer blind luck. I believe that anyone who says sex is overrated just hasn’t done it properly. I believe that anyone who claims to know what is going on will lie about the little things too. I believe in absolute honesty and sensible social lies. I believe in a woman’s right to choose a baby’s right to live, that while all human life is sacred there’s nothing wrong with the death penalty if you can trust the legal system implicitly, and that no-one but a moron would trust the legal system. I believe that life is a game, life is a cruel joke and that life is what happens when you’re alive and that you might as well lie back and enjoy it.




Seize the moment, don’t worry about your hair

Some say fate is beyond our command, but I know better. Our destiny is within us. You just have to be brave enough to see it. – Merida


Back in the good old days when we were still lobbing each other’s heads off with axes, and raising heads on pikes in praise, we did something else too. We told women how to behave. Every woman should be well kept, well mannered, speak when spoken to, and have no weapons at the dinner table. This was until a tousled Merida arrives from the Scottish highlands in the new Pixar film Brave.


Normally I choose films where real people and real dead bodies matter. Today I was babysitting my kid sister and her troupe of friends, and I was put in front of an animated film. I know I have the tendency to be a daydreamer, and this film was all about doing what you love, saving those you love, and choosing what is really important to you. I normally fall asleep when I read a synopsis of a film, I prefer to listen to (or read about) the layers beneath the storyline. So here is the storyline in two sentences…

A young girl is forced to be married and refuses in the hope a spell from a witch will save her. The spell goes wrong and now she is forced to protect the one family member she has been running from.

“Some say fate is beyond our command, but I know better. Our destiny is within us. You just have to be brave enough to see it.” These are the last lines of the movie. It rang inside me, and the theme of courage and chivalry run right through the entire film. It’s a pick-me-up movie reminding us that the bond between friends and our relationship will save us, despite the circumstances. I loved the fact too that there wasn’t a single American accent in the film. It’s a given these days since Pixar, Disney and Dreamworks are all based in the States. This was different and the fact it had a little fantasy woven in as well, was a little bonus for the bookworm inside me.

It was funny in parts, and meaningful in others. However, there were two questions floating around in my head during the film:

Were cartoons ever this fast?

Granted, it’s been years since I sat down at the Big Screen, and watched a full-length animated film. I like my storyline to flow a meaningful rhythm and single direction. This film felt terribly ADD to me. You’d have 15 minutes of a conversation, then suddenly the three little redhead scots come careening through and destroying everything, then another 10 minutes of plot. I felt at times the sudden change from scene to scene was a too fast and overwhelmed. Then again I’m also not a sugar-fueled 10 year old, so perhaps it’s a case of entertainment value and storyline.

When did cartoons become dark and violent?

Sometimes I think the movie creators forget that the bear with menacing claws on their 15 inch laptop, is translated out as a twenty foot bear growling at you. The opening scene of the movie is when a bear has his revenge on a scotsman. It must’ve been only 5 minutes, but my poor little sister next to me, just about crapped her pants before the film had begun. If it had been any longer, she was on the brim of her seat and was ready to flee.

I’m an adult, so I can rationalize and see that this film is a few well-oiled pixels, some voice actors, a decent screenwriter, and a cranky director molding everything together. A nine year old sees a 20ft bear and thinks, Holy Fuck. Get me out of here! There’s a long fight scene at the end with a bear who has arrows jutting out of his hide, a thick scar running down from the top of his head, and one yellow eye with no pupil. At this point the three girls I was with, all shrank together hugging each other trying to avert their gaze. The one girl said to me afterwards, “I couldn’t help it. It was very scary, but I still tried to watch so I could see what was going on.”

It is worth it? Yes, if you’re over the age of thirteen, and you no longer regard your teddy bear to be your best friend. No, if you’re younger than 13 and have a vivid imagination. Later on my step mom pointed out, that is handy when a kids movie comes out on DVD, because you can always turn down the volume a tad during frightening scenes. So don’t always listen to your friends, rather wait for the DVD. 😉




Gaming, Technology, Thoughts

It’s time to slay Orcs…

Ages ago when I was a nerdy, unemployed, pimple riddled, gamer I was into RPGs (role playing games) for a while. I should emphasize “unemployed” since they’re tons of fun but major time wasters. Anyway after my few years of LANs and rig binge I decided to give it a rest. I grew some balls and found a few decent paying jobs. Once again I started to climb the hill of respectability.

Since my involvement with Apple and my iPhone 3GS (whom I love dearly), my insatiable lust for a good game to bury my mind in, was reborn. Up until now I’ve just been playing cheap and easy little shoot-em-up games things like Angry Birds, Tiny Wings, World of Goo, Kungu Fu Warroir, Continuity 2 and NinJump Deluxe. Some of these are puzzle-based games while others are still tons of fun. Although I wanted something more.

So I went about researching a decent iPhone RPG for me to get my hands into, and I came across the Inotia series. Since I jailbroke (hacking your phone to enable you to get games and apps for free) my phone, sometimes I’ll download a game that doesn’t quite install properly. This was the case when I loaded Inotia 2.

However once I fired up Inotia 3: Children of Carnia…wow, what an awesome game. What also impressed me (apart from the depth in the storyline and the fluidity of the characters) is how beautifully it is illustrated. It’s like diving straight into a piece of Manga (japanese style graphic novel).

For those who may be interested, have a look at the screenshots I’ve included in my post 😀



Prose, Uncategorized

A message from my sister…

(NOTE: The following story was told by my half sister, I’ve simply interpreted what she said – via my step mother – the scribe.)

*The Crystal of Love*

By Trinity Ballam-Smith

Chapter 1

One day there was a jungle girl named Ellie. She lived in an island named Hawaii. She was sooo happy there. One day (while trying to find some grapes) she spotted an elephant. She didn’t know that she could speak to animals. But when the elephan tried talking to her…Ellie listened.

They were very confused because they didn’t know they were sisters. They went to the elephant Cloud Princess and she said,

“Do you know that you two are actually sisters?” and she was amazed that the elephant princess had old her story.

She replied, “”Did you know, a long time ago King Rothbart turned me into an elephant because he was so angry. I didn’t let Rothbart go, so he strangled me and he took all my powers away. I only have one power left, and Rothbart doesn’t like me any more. he put me into a dungeon, but luckily I broke through.”

She paused momentarily, and continued.

“Rothbart takes all my powers away, and doesn’t gove me anything. So I moved into the Cloud Kingdom, and I needed to live all by my own.But luckily I had some animals to speak to me.”

Rothbart came every single day to check on the Cloud Princess, but eventually she fought back to get more powers. The world changed and all the trees were dark around her…and there was no pollution in the air. the Cloud Princess and stopped all the pollution.

Ellie (the Cloud Princess) said, “Bye-bye” to the Cloud Elephant, and ran off to find the Crystal of Love. She told them about a wand, and a ring of love, lying in the dark depths of despair. To find the Crystal of Love, Kindness, and Helpfulness you must go there.

“Remember,” she said.

“The Crystal of Love, is the more important than all the kindness in the world!”